La Mystérieuse Madame Je : Ass Hole

I am tired of falling for huge dick heads. I am tired of always waiting on them, giving them my all to finally be abandoned. I want to be loved like I love. I want to be happy... But I always fall for the wrong guy. I want someone to take care of me when I'm feeling down, I want them to lend me a hand and help me go up high. I want to be someone's everything like they are to me. I have a love problem ; I have to much to give. It is overburdening, too much. I am too much. I have a disease that makes me go crazy and I'm working so hard to be normal like everyone else. It's so easy for them to live, they don't understand all the work I put into myself to be perfect. They don't understand how stressful it is to fulfill their every expectations. And that is what I want. I want to be perfect because if I am, everyone will love me, of course. I need love. Lots of love. I am so sick that I hate myself to the core of my being so I need someone to show me why I should be loved. Because I am not perfect.  People are often perfect to my eyes. I don't need much to love because everyone needs a chance and when you get to know them, you can see how beautiful they are inside. Oh how I love them all... My friends, my family and those special people so important to me... But why is everyone so mean to me ? Why are the guys I love always huge ass holes with me ? Why do they always take me for granted, take what they want from me and throw it away after they used up all my energy. Not my love, my patience and my energy. Because I love so much, I cannot tear someone away from my heart once they've gotten in. That's why it's so hard for me to say no. I just want to be happy with those people but they take advantage of me.... Why ?! Because I'm not normal and I have to much to give ? But why would they be so cruel ? They KNOW they're everything to me. They just know it. They cannot think otherwise because I'm always texting, always passing by, almost stalking for their attention. Yes, I am an attention whore but who cares ? I'm sick and I don't always see the love they give, I sometimes question, but... Is that really a reason to treat me this way ? Am I so horrible that I deserve this pain and this hate ? Because I've been down this road so many times that I believe them. I now believe I am a horrible person and I should always give more of myself and ask for nothing in return. I only want lovem and attention. I only need someone there for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side for ever and ever. Thank you Lonestar for those words. Thank you for tour song Amazed that has marked my soul with pure words I would love to hear and live. I only ask for love... Then why do I receive hate ? I give and give and sooner or later will not have anything left in me to give because nothing is filling this deep hole in my heart. It's only growing bigger and deeper and hurting me to the point salvation is unclear to me, disappearing. Soon, I will not be saved.